What?!?!?! No posts in over a month???? Wow, where have I been?
Truth is I just haven't had the energy nor motivation to blog. I haven't been writing too much in my journal either. Maybe I'm in a no-writing phase of my life right now.
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I've been working as a nurse for 5 months now and I still shake my head whenever I write my designation beside my signature (ie. RN = registered nurse). Really? Really?! I'm an RN? Crazy.... A part of me feels accomplished to have survived the 20 months of ridiculous craziness to get here. Another part of me feels dread and anxiety - there is still SO much I need to learn and I have so little experience. How is it possible for me to take care of my patients well??? I wonder how long it'll take before I feel confident in my role?
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Becoming a Christian doesn't mean you are all of a sudden this perfect human being that never makes mistakes. It's a lifelong process of being shaped, moulded and refined by God. It's a life of living in His grace day by day, moment by moment - you can't change yourself (ie. stop sinning) on your own. I thought I knew this well... but it wasn't until recently that I actually realized how powerless I really am in getting rid of the gunk in my heart. I'm shocked at how capable my heart is of darkness and evil, and how helpless I am in getting rid of bitterness and envy even if I am fully motivated to be rid of it. I'm in awe of how God is able to remove this from me and without my "help". Obviously I still have a long ways to go in being refined but I am glad to have another layer stripped off of me - I feel a little lighter now.
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I discovered surfing since moving to Vancouver and oh my gosh, it is such a thrill! There's nothing like the spray of cold water from your board catching the wave, standing up and feeling the wind rush past while trying to keep yourself from falling over from the mighty push of the ocean. I've only gone a handful of times (once in Tofino, the rest in Oregon) but I definitely want to go more often now that I'm out of school and have my car so the surf is a bit more accessible. In the meantime, I'm getting into skimboarding since this is the closest thing to surfing I can get and something I can do right on the beaches of Vancouver. I just wish the weather would cooperate with me a little as I've noticed that the days are nice when I'm working and raining when I'm not.
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I love languages and want to learn so many - Spanish, French (my school didn't teach me any), improve my Japanese. Working in a hospital especially in Vancouver, I feel it would be very beneficial for me to know Cantonese as well. However, it's so difficult to master the language unless you are completely immersed in it. There's no chance I'll be doing any long-term traveling in the next few years so I guess that leaves me with watching lots of foreign movies and learning from my friends until I'm able to.
