Readiness...

So, in a mere 8 days I will be boarding a plane off to Haiti once more for a medical missions trip. I'll pretty much be doing the same thing as last time but there are a few key differences when compared to the last trip:

1. I'll be going as a graduate nurse rather than a student.
2. I'll be staying for a longer period of time (16 days vs 10 days).
3. I'll actually know half of the people going (some are teammates from the last trip and 2 of my roomies are coming too).
4. We'll be staying in Carrefour and not Port-au-Prince.
5. I have a somewhat better idea of what to expect while down there.

It's strange. A week or so ago I was feeling like I was prepared for this trip psychologically and emotionally; this trip isn't completely unknown. But when I heard about the cholera situation, my heart sank quicker than the Titanic. The cholera can change everything. And now I'm not feeling so prepared anymore.

For those of you who don't follow the news regularly (like me), there was a cholera outbreak in Artibonite, a small community about an hour north of Port-au-Prince. Cholera, to put it simply, is an intestinal infection that causes severe diarrhea and vomiting which leads to dehydration and other complications. When left untreated, death can come quickly. You get cholera by ingesting contaminated water/food.

So far, at least 300 people have died.
At least 5 cases of cholera have been detected in Port-au-Prince with, I'm sure, many more to come.
There are still roughly 1 million people still living in IDP (internally displaced person) camps in Port-au-Prince.
These camps are overcrowded, and severely lack good sanitation, clean water and every basic need a person needs in order to live a healthy life.

To put into mathematical terms:

(Bad sanitation + Unclean water supply + Thousands of people living next to each other) 
x Cholera

= Bad news bears

Seriously though, if the cholera epidemic reaches these camps in Port-au-Prince and many other places in Haiti, the death toll will be guaranteed significantly greater than 300. Think in the thousands, tens of thousands even, due to the lack of treatment and medical supplies and really, a lack of everything. 

I'm not so concerned for myself (ie. getting cholera) - as long as I wash my hands and drink bottled water, I'll be fine. I'm more concerned with the Haitians.... and what we, as a medical team, will end up dealing with. Will the cholera reach Carrefour? If it does, will we have enough supplies to treat the people there? What will we do if we don't? Sit and watch the baby, boy, girl, teen, mother, father, grandmother, grandfather die and try to console their families by saying, "I'm sorry. Your loved ones could've been saved had we had enough supplies"?

I know we can only do the best that we can and also, the cholera may not actually become a problem - maybe it'll be contained in Artibonite..... But, the one thing I know for sure now is that the unknown has reared its ugly face once more and won't leave.

I was feeling ready for this trip. Now, not so much.

This is not to say I do not want to go to Haiti anymore because I do. I really really do. My point is I can never be certain of anything, not even my own experiences and strengths - I can only be certain of God, of who He is, and the great things He promises us - that He will be there, that He knows what's going on, that He will give us the wisdom, knowledge, strength, compassion, patience and love to work with the Haitians and the situation they are in, that He is ultimately in control of everything.

Transitionary Refinement

Transition. Such a common term used today. It's sorta like the opposite of equilibrium. Well.... maybe not the opposite but perhaps more the means to reach equilibrium from it's opposite (non-equilibrium?) and vice versa.

Tangent: My grade 8 science teacher once said that if our bodies (biologically/chemically/whatever) ever reached equilibrium we would probably be dead. Interesting.

Anyway, today I was thinking about how people are often in a state of transition. It seems almost rare (at least in my world) for people to not be in one. I am also in that state of transition right now.... and I am feeling conflicted over it.

I know that transition is a good thing. Lots of the main characters of the Bible have gone through it. For most, it was a few decades worth of transitioning before they finally got to the place God told them they would be. When I say this, I especially think of Joseph, Moses, and David. During their transitionary phase, I see God preparing them for that promise He gave to them. It often consisted of a lot of humbling. A lot of humbling. Through this their characters were polished up, refined if you will, and they were able to be good leaders because of it.

I believe God is polishing me up too, preparing me for whatever it is down the road. I know this is a good thing, I don't doubt it. I know that this may potentially take a long long time. How long? I don't know. But probably longer then what I would like. But, that's fine too. God has impeccable timing.

The only question in my heart is, will I make it through this transition? Will I survive? Some days I feel like this is alright, that I'm ok. Other days, like today, I just want to scream and stomp my feet and shake my fists, to no one in particular, but just to let out the frustration I feel of not being "there" yet, of having being weighed down in this nebulous state.

I want to go through this because I know God is good and this is good for me and this will lead to blessings not just for me but also for others around me... but my flesh is weak - it wants to give up so easily. It would rather stay a stone than to go through the heat and pressure it takes to make it into a beautiful gem.

It's a constant battle really and today, I am just plain tired. That is all. I am tired.

But, it will be ok because I am not alone in my struggles. God is walking with me and He gives me strength. Praise God.

Baking and Cakes and Wooden Spoons

I have been baking a lot these past couple months, namely cakes. It's strange because I haven't really baked much except for my classic banana bread and occasionally cookies. There has been many birthdays of close friends though so maybe that's why.


Anyway, here are a few pics of the ones I've made. Nothing fancy or professional but they were fun to create.

Birthday Cake #1 (for Kirsten, my roomie)
  This is a twist to the classic vanilla cake my mom used to make for my sister and I for our birthdays. The cake is a regular vanilla sponge cake with custard between the 2 layers, frosted with buttercream icing and finally, topped with fresh fruit. Everything is homemade (even the custard)... except for the fruit of course.




Birthday Cake #2 (for Laura, my buddy in nursing)

This too is a vanilla cake but with more layers - cake, blackberry jam, cake, custard, cake, blackberry jam, cake, custard, cake, blackberry jam, cake. Again, topped with buttercream icing. And again, everything is homemade except for the strawberries and red cake writing gel stuff.







Birthday Cake #3 (for Jess, my other roomie)


This is a chocolate cake with peanut butter cream cheese icing. It didn't turn out as well as I liked - it's slightly lopsided and the cake was too warm so the icing was dripping off of it.... but it tasted fantastic and Jess said it was the coolest cake she's ever received.





Birthday Cake #4 (for Jeff, another nursing buddy)
Unfortunately I don't have a picture of his cake but because he has Celiac's, I made his cake from a gluten-free cake mix and it turned out really well. (I would've tried to make the cake batter myself but I didn't have enough time.) I put whipping cream with finely diced strawberries in between the 2 layers. I made a chocolate butter cream cream cheese  icing for the top and topped it off with more strawberries.Yum yum!




I've been having a lot of fun baking and thinking up of new creations so I'm looking forward to making more. The only thing is that I really really REALLY want an electric mixer (either a hand-held or a stand-up) because we don't have one in our house so everything was mixed by hand... except for the butter cream cream cheese icings. With those I tried using a blender which worked..... but I destroyed a couple kitchen utensils in the process and now owe my roomie a new spatula and a holey wooden stick.

The icing made with the spoon has tiny tiny tiny pieces of wood chips in it....

but I like to think of it as extra fibre in your diet!

I ♥ Ben Folds

Ok, let me rephrase. I love Ben Folds' music. I can't love Ben Folds because I don't know him. Anyway......

I've been procrastinating from studying for the RN licensing exam (this post being one of the many other procrastinating tools I've used today). Somewhere along my course of distraction I checked out Ben Fold's website to see if there was anything new. Sure enough, his site has changed and I'm told he has a new CD out.

I bought the deluxe version online because it comes with a cool looking book. So excited for it to come in the mail. The deluxe version comes with downloadable mp3's.... but I'm going to refrain from listening to them until I finish this exam.

There are 2 songs I wanted to share though and I only know them because they were on his site. Both music videos are quite artistic which I quite enjoy. I especially like the facial features of the guy in "Saskia Hamilton." ... Interesting song, sorta video game-like, but good acting. Well, at least I think so anyway.


From Above - Ben Folds and Nick Hornby

The Experiment: Part Deux

So, this past week I've been getting a ton of out-of-area phone calls which I've consistently ignored until I listened to a phone message left by one of them. It was the meet-the-right-partner company calling me back saying they've received "my" survey and want to talk with me. I was meaning to call them back but got busy and didn't... but they just called me back today so I got to chat with them for a bit.

The lady on the phone was very pleasant and asked me more questions about myself. Somewhere in that conversation she asked me whether I was financially stable and I didn't really know how to reply. I have a temporary full-time painting job but am looking for a nursing position which there are very few of in Vancouver right now and have massive governmental and parental loans to pay back. So... I guess I'm sorta financially stable but not really??? Anyway, I asked her why she wanted to know and her reply was she wanted to make sure I would be able to pay the fee to become a member with this company. Once you join, you have to remain a member for a minimum of 12 months and it costs $150/month.

$150!! Per month!! For 12 months!!!!

Yeah~ no... You know, if it was maybe less than $100 say like $30, I would totally consider it. But $150? Seriously? For one, I feel like I haven't exhausted all my resources in meeting someone and two, I could spend $150/month on something else that would be a whole lot more meaningful. Maybe later in my life when I have a more stable income and if I am having incredible difficulty meeting great Christian guys.

I'm sure these people do a fantastic job at matchmaking so this price you have to pay to meet a great match is probably small... but just not for me right now.

Anyway, thus ends our little experiment. Super short-lived, eh?